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Lani
10 January 2011 @ 05:51 pm

What up world?! Been a while. Did you enjoy your holidays?

I had a string of very unfortunate and horrifying events happen around the new year, and it just seemed to continue to get worse. I've had some very bad luck with boys (yes, boys. Because they are not MEN) during my whole winter break. I felt the need for emotional release, but I was too numb. Besides, I had no feelings for any of these guys in the first place. I was vulnerable and naive. I remember telling one of my friends that it would be very refreshing to get hurt by another guy, just as long as the guy wasn't my ex. I would have rather been hurt any other way as long as I wasn't opening the same old wound over and over again. Now that everything's happened I realize how stupid I must have sounded. Pain is pain. It's always going to hurt one way or another. My feelings aren't hurt though, because I knew better than to let petty things get to me. It's just very unfortunate and discouraging. I feel like I handled it okay, though. I can take care of myself and stay resilient.

In retrospect I don't regret anything that has happened. Though it sucks, I'm glad everything happened; my stubborn butt got the "refreshment" that I needed to get on the right track.

People have told me how selfless I am and that it's a great quality to have. Too much of a good thing is dangerous. It's what gets me in trouble. I realized I tend to care more for people than they do for me. Now I just gotta find a healthy in-between.

 
 
Listening to: T.I. / Chris Brown - Get Back Up (how approrpiate :P)
 
 
Lani
03 November 2010 @ 02:02 pm
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I can't even begin to tell you how many emotions I was feeling as I took this picture. After coming to Alabama and being depressed I started to hate my pessimism. I missed my old resilient self who would always be smiling -- even if there's nothing to smile about. I thought a trip to the hair salon would inspire some positive feelings, and it did way more than that. You'd be surprised how amazing you'll feel when people genuinely want to take care of you and make you happy.

That same week I had made arrangements to take a tour of a local school to check out what their therapeutic massage program is like. I loved it! It feels so great to finally know what my true calling is. It's very important to me to have a meaningful career. One that helps others. I've wasted years and money on psychology classes, but refuse to believe that they did not benefit me. I'm just so glad that I can finally set clear goals instead of just going with it, hoping something big will happen.

Read more...Collapse )
 
 
Feeling: contentcontent
 
 
Lani
01 October 2010 @ 12:56 am
I've been MIA for a while, with the exception of a couple of random journal entries when I was the most vulnerable. I mentioned it before, but I am now living in Alabama with my family. After my first cat Meeko passed away, I had become very depressed. I can laugh at myself when I look back on how pathetic I was at the time. Literally in a mental funk, not even taking care of myself. Just staying in bed all day crying. Jojo was nice enough to offer to let me use his frequent flyer miles to fly to VA so that we can drive down to NC to visit my brother (and get some much needed closure with Meeko). I stayed for a month and did what I had to do. I was able to make a grave marker for Meeko. My time in Virginia was good. Jo and I went on road trips to some surrounding states and I got to spend some time with my mom.

When I got back to AL I became depressed all over again. Not because of Meeko, but because I felt so lonely. It's just some of the issues that plague me living in this household, and the fact that I don't know ANYONE here. After coming home from the airport, I found the cutest letter on my bed that one of my best friends had sent while I was gone. It really meant a lot to me. I must have seemed silly when I called her crying about it ><;

For the past couple of months I've been in and out of this funk and began to miss my old optimistic, resilient self. These past couple days I told myself that I'm going to make the best of my situation. I can't say I'm enjoying Huntsville, but it's too soon to say yet. Even so, it's all the motivation I need to get myself on my own two feet and get out of here as soon as I can.
 
 
Lani
13 August 2010 @ 12:15 am
Don't you know there are thousands of fish in the ocean that still have yet to be discovered? Don't "settle" thinking that what you see now is all you'll ever have. It's not that I'm giving up. I fought so hard and even had to fight other predators off all by myself to make everything work. But in the end, maybe the Crown-of-Thorns Starfish is not for me.

Air + water = rain. Fish can not swim in the air. Unless I'm one of those flying fish. But even still, it would only last for a little bit and then I'd have to go back to my ocean.

I am deeply terrified of the vast open sea but I know it's not empty and not every creature in it means to harm me. I'll just keep swimming. And I'll stop writing in metaphors.
 
 
 
 
Lani
25 July 2010 @ 05:32 pm
Hello again. If you keep up with me on Facebook or have seen my latest entry, you will know that I have relocated to Huntsville, AL. I haven't exactly been having the time of my life here. But I guess moving always sucks. I can imagine it being a very exciting experience for those who are moving to a place that they love. These past couple weeks have been very, very hard for me. Just so many issues have been plaguing me lately, and for the past week I had been getting some horrible headaches.

Just yesterday my first and eldest cat, Meeko passed away. This post is about him. I am aware of the many people who are insensitive about the loss of a pet. There are even people who argue that pets don't love us -- rather, they only stay with us because we provide them with food and shelter. We can agree to disagree. If you are one of the aforementioned individuals or you're more of a picture person than a reader(some intense reading awaits, trust me), you can continue your internet routine. But if you are interested in sharing some(MANY) thoughts with me, read on.

Goodnight, Travel WellCollapse )
 
 
Listening to: The Killers - Goodnight, Travel Well
 
 
 
Lani
21 July 2010 @ 01:41 pm

I'm lonely. Please don't rub it in.

 
 
Currently located: US, Alabama, Huntsville
 
 
Lani
06 June 2010 @ 04:50 pm
I come bearing pictures from hanging with Juvy on Memorial Day.

Highlights of the day:
- Savers 50% off sale
- Curry House
- Crepe Harajuku
- purikura


go on!Collapse )
 
 
Lani
28 May 2010 @ 03:57 pm
CHOCO iPhone finished!


Teaser:



and the finished result...Collapse )
 
 
Lani
24 May 2010 @ 11:02 am
So I was gonna go shopping today for something to wear for my dad's retirement ceremony tomorrow. "Aloha wear"?? How does one pull off aloha wear without excessive use of tacky Hawaiian print?? Then I realized this morning that I've already got an amazing floral print dress as a result of an impulse buy (Charlotte Russe green dot sale, bwahaha). SCORE!! I've got so many clothes with their Charlotte Russe tags STILL on them that I haven't worn yet. Now I've just got to dig through all my long forgotten shoes for something that will match. This is the one time that an impulse buy came in handy. You know, when you say to yourself "I don't know when I'm going to wear this, but it's only $6.99!!!" and it ends up hanging in your closet for years. Yes, it has been YEARS and this dress is finally going to get its day. But that still doesn't justify the impulse buys ><
 
 
Feeling: hungryhungry
 
 
Lani
23 May 2010 @ 09:49 pm
Me: you're just trying to keep me longer on the phone!!
Jojo: no, I just wanna hold YOU longer HEHEHEH *annoying cackle*
Me: EWWW!! BYE!
Jojo: HEHEHE I'm so cute right now. BYEE.

Yeah, it was cute. Just had to jot that down somewhere.