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01 October 2010 @ 12:56 am
Hello again  
I've been MIA for a while, with the exception of a couple of random journal entries when I was the most vulnerable. I mentioned it before, but I am now living in Alabama with my family. After my first cat Meeko passed away, I had become very depressed. I can laugh at myself when I look back on how pathetic I was at the time. Literally in a mental funk, not even taking care of myself. Just staying in bed all day crying. Jojo was nice enough to offer to let me use his frequent flyer miles to fly to VA so that we can drive down to NC to visit my brother (and get some much needed closure with Meeko). I stayed for a month and did what I had to do. I was able to make a grave marker for Meeko. My time in Virginia was good. Jo and I went on road trips to some surrounding states and I got to spend some time with my mom.

When I got back to AL I became depressed all over again. Not because of Meeko, but because I felt so lonely. It's just some of the issues that plague me living in this household, and the fact that I don't know ANYONE here. After coming home from the airport, I found the cutest letter on my bed that one of my best friends had sent while I was gone. It really meant a lot to me. I must have seemed silly when I called her crying about it ><;

For the past couple of months I've been in and out of this funk and began to miss my old optimistic, resilient self. These past couple days I told myself that I'm going to make the best of my situation. I can't say I'm enjoying Huntsville, but it's too soon to say yet. Even so, it's all the motivation I need to get myself on my own two feet and get out of here as soon as I can.
 
 
 
トリッシャ イサベラswtiepiepnai on October 1st, 2010 07:12 pm (UTC)
Awww, I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty! D: Poor you... Just take things piece by piece and surely they will get better! ♥
Lanieat_juice on October 2nd, 2010 02:26 am (UTC)
Thank you :) I'm trying to be more optimistic these days
真輝の日記getoutofmyband on October 1st, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
Aww Lani,

I can relate so much to you right now. My cat didn't pass away (she's in canada with my dad) but I miss her a lot and here in Japan we're not allowed to have cats in this condo where I live (only small dogs) the reason being that cats can pass through the tiny spaces that separates each neighbor's balcony..and apparently that's a problem so no cats allowed (i know, what a ridiculous reason, they could just say "no cats on the balcony"...)

I also learned 2 weeks ago that my grand-mother who was in perfect health just 4 months ago.. now has cancer. At first they said it was ovarian cancer but about 3 hours ago I learned it's generalized cancer. ;__; she has 3 tumors (2 in her abdomen: 7cm x 4cm, 7cm x 1cm and one cancerous cyst between her heart and lung..) her belly has gotten bigger than a pregnant woman. She looks like she's pregnant with 3-4 watermelons...it's scary. And she couldn't eat properly for about a month and she lost so much weight, she looks like the children in Africa.. It's insane. I have a picture of her taken just 1 month ago and she looks so happy u could never tell she's sick!

I have to go back to Canada (i bought my plane tickets today) to see her and it's costing me over 1500$CND... I'm going back from Oct.29th to Nov.20th. At least I'll be there for my dad's, grandma & cousin's b'day and for halloween and a hanson concert (they're playing in Montreal after 9 years of not playing there.. everybody says it's a sign for me to comeback).

I'm sooo sad. I lived with my grandma during my teens and during the past 2 years she visited me about 3 times a week. We are VERY VERY close.. she's so much like me. So I can't believe this might be the last time I see her. (T___T;)

I've been very sick the past 2 months.. always catching something. I ever had the same symptoms my grandma had before they found out she had cancer (telepathy much?). I've been feeling kind of depressed.. I was just starting to feel better when I learned about my grandma.

Now I just stay in bed all day... actually I sleep during the day and I'm up at night just so I can call Canada and talk with my family and call my insurance company..etc. :(

I hope we both feel better soon Lani! Ganbarimashou! ♥

Edited at 2010-10-01 08:21 pm (UTC)
Lanieat_juice on October 2nd, 2010 02:33 am (UTC)
That rule about the cats really is ridiculous!! Aww I know how you feel. I've had to leave my 3 cats with my brother and it just breaks your heart... even though you know they're in good hands, it just feels so empty not having that little creature around to cuddle with.

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma :( I hope your visit back to Canada is a good one. It sounds like you've got so much on your plate right now, maybe it's starting to affect your health. I hope your grandma can overcome this cancer and please take care! You are most vulnerable right now so let's stay strong together!♥♥
Jessica: KAWAII TEApuakalehua on October 1st, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)
Hey Lani,
I'm sorry to hear that things been a little tough for you in AL. I'm also sorry about Meeko. It's great that you got to visit your Bro and Jojo. I hope things will get better for you soon. I haven't forgotten about you. I still need to get that package out to you. Sorry I'm so bad with getting things out on time. LOL!

P.S. do you mind if I also enclose some Kawaii stationery? How about a handmade journal? I love to journal although I haven't in awhile. I find it very comforting to get things down on paper sometimes instead of just online or stuck in my thoughts. PLMK.

Hang in there. BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!

OH! Come check out my channel. This is where I've been spending most of my time. :)
Jessica: KAWAII TEApuakalehua on October 1st, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)
OOPS! I provided the wrong link. Sorry about that. It's my channel
Lanieat_juice on October 2nd, 2010 02:38 am (UTC)
Thank you. I've been trying to be more optimistic these days.. honestly I kinda started to get annoyed with myself and how pathetic I was ><

Aww no worries! I'd love some stationery :) I really need to start making good use of it. Let's snail mail! Ooh and actually I was just thinking about getting a journal soon, too! I know exactly what you mean.

Thanks again :) you're so sweet
Amanda: Domo Kun!supinternets on October 5th, 2010 12:33 pm (UTC)
Don't give up Lani. This world has so much to offer you if you keep your chin up and stay focused. I am rooting for you.
Lanieat_juice on October 6th, 2010 12:25 am (UTC)
Thank you :) I've been trying to be more optimistic and it seems like with just that little change, things seem to be looking up.
Amandasupinternets on October 6th, 2010 11:42 am (UTC)
As you know depression is hard to live with, but if you have got gumption you can overcome it. You just have to find what works for you and never stop loving yourself. And remember that even though it may not seem like it, there are always people that love you and will support you through the good and bad times. <3