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10 January 2011 @ 05:51 pm
I'm snowed in  

What up world?! Been a while. Did you enjoy your holidays?

I had a string of very unfortunate and horrifying events happen around the new year, and it just seemed to continue to get worse. I've had some very bad luck with boys (yes, boys. Because they are not MEN) during my whole winter break. I felt the need for emotional release, but I was too numb. Besides, I had no feelings for any of these guys in the first place. I was vulnerable and naive. I remember telling one of my friends that it would be very refreshing to get hurt by another guy, just as long as the guy wasn't my ex. I would have rather been hurt any other way as long as I wasn't opening the same old wound over and over again. Now that everything's happened I realize how stupid I must have sounded. Pain is pain. It's always going to hurt one way or another. My feelings aren't hurt though, because I knew better than to let petty things get to me. It's just very unfortunate and discouraging. I feel like I handled it okay, though. I can take care of myself and stay resilient.

In retrospect I don't regret anything that has happened. Though it sucks, I'm glad everything happened; my stubborn butt got the "refreshment" that I needed to get on the right track.

People have told me how selfless I am and that it's a great quality to have. Too much of a good thing is dangerous. It's what gets me in trouble. I realized I tend to care more for people than they do for me. Now I just gotta find a healthy in-between.

 
 
Listening to: T.I. / Chris Brown - Get Back Up (how approrpiate :P)
 
 
 
Jessicapuakalehua on January 11th, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
Hey Lani!!! Sorry to hear about this. I hope things will start looking up for you soon. BTW, did you ever receive the Christmas greeting I mailed to you last month? I hope it made it to you.
Lanieat_juice on January 12th, 2011 04:35 pm (UTC)
Got it, thanks so much! It's beautiful!
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